Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.