Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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