a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
