nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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