i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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