ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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