Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
