At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
