k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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