i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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