I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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