Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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