i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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