I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
