woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
