I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need water and some morals
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
