Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
