Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
