Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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