I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
