I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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