They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
