he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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