Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's paper in my vomit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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