Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
