ugly people sure do ruin things
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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