I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
