Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
