Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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