After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
