Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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