yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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