Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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