this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
