Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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