how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
