Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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