this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
