I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
