Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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