Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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