I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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