Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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