my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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