Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
