I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
