We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
