Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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