I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
