if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
