Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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