Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
