just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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