Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
