my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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