I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
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At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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