it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
