what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
