Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize