I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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