I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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