You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think your dad took our porno
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
