She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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