I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
